A Lake Full Of Tears
by tears85
Summary: Hermione is at her lowest point. She has no qualifications and no job. But will someone unlikely help her through it. read and review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything.

**Authors notes **: This story is set at the end of _Deathly Hallows _but before the epilogue.

Hermione and Ron never got any further than that one kiss ( that Harry broke up during the battle) retreating back into the safety of friendship. Ginny and Harry still love each other but Ginny is resisting Harry as she hasn't forgiven him for breaking up with her yet. Consequently Ginny and Colin are now seeing each other. Lastly McGonagall is the Head teacher but heavily influenced by Dumbledore's portrait that hangs in the heads office. **WARNING:** Rated M for Hermione's Dark moods and a few seriously steamy scenes in later chapters.

**A Lake Full Of Tears.**

**Chapter 1.**

Another job interview turned disaster, Hermione raced back up to her bedroom. Pounding down the hallway towards her door she could think of only one thing. Release. Throwing herself onto the bed she reached into the top draw of her nightstand, rummaging around until she found what she was looking for. Running the razor blade along the soft ivory white skin of her wrist. Hermione watched the crimson blood form a thin red line on her wrist before it welled over the shallow cut and ran down her arm until it dripped onto the crisp linen sheets of her bed. Feeling her anxieties evaporate again with every drop spilt the young woman sighed with relief, then lay back against the pillows and enjoyed the feeling for awhile.

All too soon she could feel the old fears bubble to the front of her mind again. She just wasn't good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not brave enough. She was completely useless and didn't know why she even bothered to keep healing herself, she should just get it over and done with. Even Ron didn't want her, the one and only person who she felt could see past it all; the one who she thought could see just how vulnerable she really is, couldn't stand the thought of being more than friends with her. One more cut, just one more then she would be alright again. She reached for the blade that had fallen to the floor, leaving a smear of her own blood on the periwinkle blue carpet. Her blood soaked fingers couldn't hold the blade steady enough for the second cut she so desperately needed, allowing it to slide back to the floor just as her mother called from downstairs.

"Hermione dear, is that you?" She could hear her mother coming up the stairs and rushed to heal herself. She had gotten good at it over the years. Healing it magically meant that there would be no scar, no awkward questions from her friends or yet more reasons for people to stare at the freak that was Hermione Granger. The last couple of summers had been easier, now she could perform magic outside of school. She used to bruise herself intentionally, her parents simply thinking she was a clumsy child. Maybe she should go back to doing that; it was getting a little dangerous, one day her mum would catch her then she would be so disappointed. The thought of seeing the disappointment shine out of her mothers beautiful amber eyes caused the young witch to let out an almost inaudible sob as she stuffed the bloody blade back into her draw. Hermione hid her secret , slamming her nightstand drawer shut just as her mother walked into her childhood bedroom.

"Hi honey, I thought I heard you come in." In reality it was hard not to hear her daughters angry footsteps pounding up the stairs of their small semi-detached home.

"Can you come down to the kitchen please, there's some post for you." When her daughter made no sighs of movement she added,

"Quite a lot of post actually……the errr, the owls won't let me remove it you see." Emily Granger gave her daughter a rather sheepish smile, it all seemed so new to her. Oh she knew it wasn't really 'new' to her, when Hermione had removed the memory charm from them it all came flooding back but somehow it all felt different. She couldn't put her finger on it; but it all felt more like memories of a film she had watched rather than a life she had lived.

Hermione, still kneeling on the floor, turned her body and flashed her mum a smile.

"OK mum, I'll be down in a minute, I just want to find this book. I can't remember were I put it."

"That's OK love, dad and I will be down in the kitchen when you're ready."

When Hermione was left alone again she slowly lifted her knee. She had carefully kept it in place while she was talking to her mum. Now she slowly revealed the dark red mark on her carpet. Muttering a spell on her carpet and then her knee she watched the marks disappear and sighed in relief. That was a little too close for comfort.

Turning in front of her full length mirror, she made sure she hadn't got anything still left on her; before grabbing some none-described paperback novel off her bookcase and walking downstairs to her parents.

A/N please review my story and I will try to answer any questions I can. Next chapter should be up in about a week.

Xoxoxoxo tears85


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **ok so I apologise is advance 'cos this is gunna be a long author note and a fairly short chapter, so sorry. Thank you to those of you that have read my first chapter and an even bigger thank you to those of you who added me as a fav/alert, that's really sweet of you. **To Hellakat, **I'm sorry if you didn't think that the whole "Hermione is a self-harmer" was a big enough hook. Unfortunately you will probably be a little disappointed in this chapter. To **ment2be1987**, I'm glad I converted you over to the dark side! Yes my theory is that Hermione is always pushing herself to try and prove something to someone, perhaps even herself. Also **ment2be1987 **No, not all my chapters will be this length, some are shorter, some longer. I like to try to reflect some of the main characters issues / personality etc in the way I write and the speed I write. This story is definitely going to be a slow builder, people won't be falling in love in a week. Sorry if this has put you off reading it.  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. 

**Chapter 2  
**Hermione sat at the kitchen table, a pile of letters in front of her, staring intently at one in particular.  
"Why haven't all the rest of them flown off again, like the first one?" Bill Granger asked his daughter as he frantically tried to place sheets of the daily prophet under the 4 or 5 birds still perched in his kitchen. Hermione couldn't help but chuckle a little when she heard screams coming from one photo that was about to be shoved under a particularly large barn owl.  
Hermione turned her attention back to the letter she held. All the rest had said " open McGonagull's first" on the front. Like she would do anything else anyway. She was used to getting three or four letters at once. Most of which were when Harry, Ron and Ginny had a fight, all of them wanting her to take their side. But she definitely wasn't expecting to get one from Professor McGonagull. OH MY GOD! What if there had been a mix up with her O.W.Ls , she really would have no qualifications then. She needed to go back upstairs, she needed…. She didn't know what she needed but she needed to do something.   
"How did the interview go darling?" Her mother reappeared behind her, her new baby sister in her arms. It seemed her parents had felt something was missing in their lives after Hermione had left them in Australia a little over a year ago. They had wasted no time in trying for a family and the result was 2 month old Bella, already far more beautiful than herself. And that was before she could even hold her own head up. Hermione thought bitterly as her mother cooed over her youngest daughter  
" Oh, not too bad." Hermione tore her eyes away from baby Bella and back to the envelope in her trembling hands.  
"They're going to let me know after they've done interviewing everyone else." Who was she trying to kid? They all knew how woefully inadequate she was. She couldn't get a job at the ministry or as a healer. She'd tried her best with S.P.E.W, but the houselfs just weren't listening. And as far as the Muggles were concerned she had finished her education at the age of 11 so not even McDonalds would take her.  
"Well, fingers crossed eh sweetheart."  
"Ummm….. Sure mum."  
Hermione was still staring at the cream parchment envelope in her hands. She read the address over and over again. Yep it was definitely for her. Hermione had never wished harder in her life that she could just disappear when her mother bent over her shoulder and asked if she was going to open it or just stare at it. A part of her knew that her mum was just kidding but a bigger, less rational, part of her couldn't help but feel like her mum was telling her she wasn't brave enough to open a letter, never mind be a Gryffindor.  
Hermione laughed at her mum but her still trembling hands gave her away as she turned the envelope around and tore into the back. Easing out the thick parchment letter Hermione slightly changed the position of her body at the table, so her mum couldn't read over her shoulder. If it was bad news then she didn't want her parents to know straight away. 

_**Dear Miss Granger.  
**_

_**It has come to our attention that a number of our recent graduate students or more aptly non graduating 7**__**th**__** year students are finding it difficult receiving employment with their unsatisfactory N.E.W.T scores.  
I would like to invite you to a meeting to be held Friday 18**__**th**__** August to discuss this matter with all concerning persons. The meeting will be held at Hogwart school of witchcraft and wizardry.  
The Hogwarts express will be laving platform 9 ¾ at 11am and departing again at 7pm. Refreshments will be provided.  
We hope to see you there Miss Granger.  
**_

_**Professor Minerva McGonagull.  
(Headmistress of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, Order of Merlin, second class.)**_

" There's a meeting at school, so that maybe we could go back and get our N.E.W.T's "  
"Ummm that's great honey. But do you think that we could hurry this along a bit? Mrs Taylor from across the road will be over in about 20minutes to babysit Bella."  
" Where are we going mum." All the time they were talking Mrs Granger never took her eyes of young daughter, staring into her sparkling eyes and curling her chubby little fingers around her wedding finger. Her Dad soon joined the happy little scene, standing behind his wife. Reaching an arm around her he gently caressed Bella's head with the tip of one finger before answering his daughter for his wife.  
" Your mother and I thought it might be nice if we had some time alone together." Hermione's heart lifted at this, she hadn't been alone with her parents since before Bella was born. Even then all they talked about was the new baby. Then he said he said the five little words that could make her heart sink again.  
"Just the two of us."  
"oh……. Why didn't you ask me to look after Bella?"  
"oh well honey" her mum finally made eye contact with her. " we thought you might want some time to yourself too. You know without a screaming baby in the house. You could catch up with friends, maybe invite some around."  
"Sure mum sounds like fun." but Hermione felt like she could see the truth shining out of her mothers eyes. She didn't want to leave her alone with her baby sister. She didn't trust her with her. She simply wasn't good enough.  
" So what are you guys going to do?" Hermione tried to keep the hurt from her voice as she asked.  
"Well first we are going bowling, then we thought we would get something to eat and then maybe go to a movie. Sort of like a date, dinner and a date." Emily Granger chuckled at her own wit. " We should be home around 11. Midnight at the latest." this she directed once again to the infant in her arms as if her eyes were magically drawn to her or she simply couldn't drink her fill of her. " And little Bella here is having a sleep over at Mrs Taylor's house so we can all get a good nights sleep. Aren't you sweetheart." Hermione watched as her mother digressed into a lot of cooing and silly noises before carefully handing the baby over to her husband.  
" I'm going to go get changed and sort out Bella's over night things. Can you make sure Hermione finishes those letters? Lottie really will be here soon." Without even looking at her oldest daughter, Emily Granger turned and left the room. Her soft tread easily heard in the silence that followed her. Her farther nervously cleared his throat  
" uh hum you heard your mother…. Get writing missy." He said it with a smile on his face thought to dull the sting of his words.  
Hermione quickly opened her remaining letters and scanned them all. They all basically asked her if she was going to the meeting in a little over a week on the 18th . That and a couple of arguments between Ron and Ginny she was supposed to work out. She sent them all the same thing, saying that she was going to go to the meeting and they should all come round to her house. They could order in and catch up. She sent the last of the owls off out of the kitchen window just as the door bell rang at the front of the house.   
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Emily Granger slowly made her way down the hall to her eldest daughters bedroom dreading what she would find there. She didn't know if it was being away for so long or having her memories restored to her but she felt like she saw things with a new found clarity. With a heavy head and an even heavier heart she pushed open her daughters bedroom door. Sweeping her eyes around the room as she carefully stepped inside, her eyes fell to the normally immaculate white bed linen and blue throw where a dark spot of colour had already started to set. A single tear drop fell to join it before she turned and quietly left the room closing the door again as she went.

Xoxoxoxoxotears85 

P.S SOOOOOOOOO sorry it took me so long to post this but I had some problems with computer amongst other things. I will try to post more often but I can't make any promises. Please read and r


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